my testimony

my testimony:

I grew up going to catholic church on important holidays, and sometimes a random Sunday here and there. I went to religion class and received communion and confirmation. Checking off the absolutely necessary boxes, I never truly had a connection with my faith.

Growing up I think I always viewed God as my friend. Yet I never took the time to build a relationship with him. I would pray and I believed but I was never intentional.

I think the first time I actively started searching for deeper faith was during the beginning stages of COVID-19. This was without a doubt one of the most miserable times of my life, as it was for so many. Between my Grammy getting sick and passing away so suddenly, and not being able to see my friends and go to school. I was so lost. The only way I could think to get closer to God at this time was to use my Bible app. Each morning I would listen to the five-minute long verse of the day video.

This provided me some encouragement during this time but I didn’t really feel much closer to God. I continued this morning habit on and off for a few years, going into my freshman year of college. But I didn’t really know what else to do. I didn’t have a car to go to church, and I didn’t really have much of a foundation to fall back on.

For Easter, my freshman year of college, my Mom bought me a Bible. She knew I had been trying to grow deeper in my faith. It is honestly one of my favorite gifts I have ever received. I really appreciated the thought and intentionality behind the gift. I was excited to start, but again I had no idea where to begin. Being given a 1500-page book that is supposed to be the backbone of my faith, I had no idea what to read.

Shortly after I received my Bible from my Mom, I went through some things that really threw me for a loop mentally. I had never felt more alone in life. This is when I really started running toward God. I remember searching “How to read the Bible?”, and “What book should I start with in the Bible?”. I started reading from the book of John, I decided to read a chapter a day.

Fast forward a few months later, I had been on and off pursuing my faith at this time. I was trying to read my Bible, still following my Bible app’s daily verses, and praying. Nothing was too consistent though. Then an opportunity was placed before me.

To set the scene, I am studying abroad in the Bahamas. I’m on a remote island. I barely have any service. I am riding in an old school bus and I see a message come through on my phone from a women’s ministry on campus that I had joined the GroupMe for. The message read something along the lines of, “Is anyone interested in being a leader and running our social media?”.

Here I am, barely having faith to fall back on, considering applying to run the social media and be a leader for a women’s ministry! I felt a lot of doubt at that moment, I felt unqualified. Was considering this opportunity a crazy thing? After some internal conflict, I decided to pray about it, asking God if it was meant for me. I came to the conclusion that I was going to apply. If they chose me then it was meant to be and God was calling me to this opportunity. If I didn’t get it then it just wasn’t. Not even sure if my application was going to go through because of the lack of service, I sent it in.

A few weeks later, I saw that I was mentioned in the GroupMe… and I got the position. I was excited, I was scared, I was a little surprised. I started talking with the other leaders and working on social media, but I still felt a little out of place.

Fast forward again, I’m moving in for my second year of college, and we have a leadership photoshoot. I am terrified. I just decided to take on this position that I feel so underqualified for and I had never met any of the other leaders before while most of them already knew each other. On top of this, I don’t have a car so I have to ask someone for a ride. Long story short, I go, they are all awesome, and I feel a little better.

The next weekend one of my friends invited me to her church. This was my first time at a Christian church. I was excited, I had been trying to get to church for so long. This experience is what really changed everything for me. In the middle of worship, I just couldn’t stop crying, I’m not kidding I probably cried five times. And to preface this, I am not a crier. My friends and I actually celebrate when I cry because it’s so rare. The reason I was crying is because, for the first time in my life, I truly felt the presence of the Lord. After running after faith for years at this point, I finally felt like I had found God. That day I decided to give my life to Jesus, I knew that this was the life I was meant to live.

I went on to lead in my women’s ministry (not without doubt and struggle). I joined young adult groups at church and started going as consistently as I could on Sundays. Each morning I was doing my devotionals, reading my Bible, and spending intentional quiet time with the Lord. I had truly never been so fulfilled in my life. I learned so much about life, the Lord, and myself during this time. During this time I learned to put God as the foundation of my life, for he is the only thing that will never fail me. I built a community of God-fearing, good people around me, and met some of my best friends for life.

A year after I started this journey I was baptized at the very church that I started at. Now I am joining a team to serve at that church. I have joined various small groups there and truly built a community.

My walk with the Lord is certainly not a steady path, but I am eternally grateful to be on this journey.

If you are looking for faith and trying to grow in your relationship with God this is your sign to put yourself out there. Go to church alone if you have to, buy a bible, whatever you can do, because it is so so worth it.

If I can do it, you can do it. There is nothing more freeing than living this life with the Lord.

-xoxo, jenny