how to get out of a rut

I like to consider myself a rather happy human being. I pride myself on my optimism and my gratitude in life. However, that is not to say that my happiness is constant, even if I tend to portray it in that way. Life will never be perfect, and honestly, I’m grateful for that. There will always be problems, struggles, and ruts we find ourselves in. But what is the best way to handle life when we are stuck in a rut? I’ll share with you what works for me.

I like to split this “healing” process into two parts. The first I like to call “the wallowing”, and the second I like to call “the fixing”. Not the best names, I know, but that’s not what matters.

How to Get Out of a Rut Phase 1: The Wallowing:

For most of my life, I’ve avoided my emotions, stuck them in a box, locked it, and thrown away the key. However, this tactic never did work in my favor. Ignoring my feelings and problems never did make them go away. If anything this created MORE problems for me. My point is, I have learned that I can’t just ignore my emotions, and I try to face them head-on today.

The first step is recognizing what exactly it is that you are feeling. Loneliness, rejection, anger, sadness, etc. My instinct is to deny feeling any and all of these emotions, it almost feels like a sign of weakness to admit them. However, admitting and recognizing the “negative” emotions is the first step in healing these feelings.

Alone Time

The next step might seem strange, but it works for me. I like to force myself to really feel through whatever negative emotion I am experiencing. This is where this stage gets its name from. I like to really wallow in the negative emotion I’m feeling. It helps me to feel it all the way through. I like to spend time alone during this time. I like to listen to sad music, hopefully, get a good cry or two in. Sometimes I need to really live out the overdramatic sad girl stereotype in order to fully address and accept my emotions. I spend a lot of time thinking during this time. About why I may be feeling the way I’m feeling, the habits in my lifestyle that are affecting me negatively, and what I can possibly change to improve my state of mind.

Usually during times that I feel “stuck in a rut”, I am feeling not myself. So, during this alone time, I like to do things that “feel like me”. Whether that’s journaling, reading, editing, or really anything I truly enjoy.

Community->Talk it Out

Once I’ve had a sufficient amount of time to process my emotions and think alone, I like to go to “my people”. The people I trust with my whole life. The people I know I can go to with anything and will listen with their whole hearts. I like to talk about what I’ve been feeling, get it off of my chest, and even get their opinion on all of the conclusions I’ve come to. Life is meant to be lived in a community. The people you surround yourself with are there for moments like these. Talking about what I’m going through when I am struggling gives me such a relief, to let it go, to admit not only to myself but to others that I do have feelings, not feeling like I have to hide any negative emotion I feel.

How to Get Out of a Rut Phase 2: The Fixing:

This is the time to get up, shake it off, and take action. As important as it is to feel through your emotions, there comes a time when you have to make the choice to do something about it. All of that thinking you’ve been doing during the “wallowing phase”, about what caused this rut, the current habits in your life, and how you can improve the quality of your current life, use that. Whatever you have deemed to be the cause of your rut, address how you can change the circumstances if possible. Change the habits that have caused you to feel these negative emotions. Take control of your circumstances and make the best out of it.

This isn’t necessarily going to be easy but this is the time to force yourself to do things you may not want to do. Go out of your way to take care of yourself. Go to the gym, eat a good meal, do your skincare routine, journal, and put effort into yourself.

-xoxo, jenny <3